Thursday, September 15, 2011

When he/she is about leave you... What are we doing and what we can do..

When someone is about to leave us all we want is to keep that person with us. You know what I mean. This is not about when someone is dying but about love. When a lover is about to leave us we try our best to keep that person with us. But while trying our best we make them go more far and far from us because our own fault.  I thought what are the mistakes or faults that we are doing while we are trying to keep them us. And I figured out some by myself. Some are done by me and some are done by some people I know. :)

1. Threatening.

This is a very famous way which most of girls and boys are using. Threatening with suicide. They say "I'll die if you leave me." And actually they try to do that. [Crazy things from my opinion] They try to kill them selves thinking that person will come back to them.

But when you do that you are proving to that person you don't care for his or her happiness but all you care is your own. You don't want to loose that person not because of love but for your own sake. So then they get fed up with these dramas. It makes them go very far from you.

2. Make them feel bad about themselves.

You start talking about how much you have get hurt by their acts. You keep complaining that all they do is hurting you but nothing else. Leave you is the worst pain that they can give to you. They start feeling bad about themselves. They start worrying about themselves and after some point they start feeling that you are annoying them by telling about hurt. Then they will become more and more rude to stop you complaining about them.

3. Try to talk to his or her friends and try to convince to that person through them.

This is very famous and I think the worst way. Because simply when that person is about to leave you all he or her wants is privacy. But you are spreading all your problems among his or her friends and you make them involve into your problems. It makes them sick of you. That person will ask from own self.. why she/ he can't keep our problems to us? why does she/he wants to grab all our friends into this..? Now they will think I'm a bad person.. blah blah.. [stress is growing inside him/her] That stress force him/her to leave you faster than you think.

4. Keep asking him/her why does that person wants to leave you.

The problem is sometimes they have their own issues. Sometimes they can't explain it. [trust me, sometimes they can't explain. I know it very well. I have been through that situation] When you keep asking for reasons they get fed up with you. Then they start ignoring you. Your situation get much more worst than before.

5. Telling about that person to everyone.

You start telling about this person to everyone you know. You say how much you this person and how much you need this person. You tell them how much he/she hurts you by doing this. Then whole world starts feeling sorry for you while that person starts getting angry with you more and more. Because that is the last thing she/he needs right now. Publicity to your love story.

These are some mistakes or faults that I have noticed in others and my relationships. I think there are much more. But instead of these things what can you do? Of course you can't let that person easily if you really love him/her.

1. I will be with you anytime you need me.

Make that person understand that you can understand what he/she is going through right now. Tell him/her that is really painful to break up with that person but if that's what they need you are ready for that. Because all you need is his/her happiness not yours. Tell that person that you will be with him/her for anything at anytime not as a lover but as a good friend. [Lovers can't be friends. That is true but you have to tell that.. ;)]

2. Never ask for reason, but give your own reasons

Never ask for reason for leaving you. Instead of that give your own reasons. Tell that person you know that his/her happiness maybe not with you. So it is fair enough that person wants to leave you. Tell him/her that you think he/she deserve someone better than you. [sometimes we don't really believe this.]

3. Say good bye with a smile

Make that person happy every time he/she talks to you. Don't ever fight with him/her. When they say '' we need to stop this affair'' you first ask for a minute for your self. Then don't say anything think for a minute or two. Then start saying 'I really don't know why you want to stop this. Because I believe you are the perfect person for me. But maybe I am not the perfect person for you. So if you really want to leave me you are free to do so. after all love is giving. So I will always love you but if you don't love me then you should find your happiness." [not the exact words. you know what i mean ;)] Make sure you are very calm and quite. And you are very confident about yourself.

4. Talk with something else other than breaking up.

Tell him/her this might be the last time we meet as lovers. So talk about something else other than breaking up [I know this is hard but try this once] Tell him/her will enjoy our last day. After today you will be walking in a other path I will be all alone so make this day memorable so then I can live with that memory. [This might looks like a drama to you. But it works]

5. Fifth and last thing.

Fifth and last thing is make sure before you guys depart that he/she will call you back whenever they are in a problem or they are alone or they are sad. But to make them call you all you have to do don't call them before they call you. When you guys decide to break up or when he/she needs to break up with you don't push that person not leave you. But make that person believe that you will always care for him/her whenever they need you. And tell them to update you with everything in their lives so then you know that they are happy. Tell them knowing that they are happy in their lives make you happy.

I believe these things are working. It can give you two results. One thing when you are going through this way sometimes it makes them think that they are leaving the best thing ever happened to them.[Among all the other annoying partners you will be special as someone who never annoys him/her].
Second thing is you will understand to yourself that he/she should leave you and they should go for their happiness. :) But I don't guarantee anything. After all everything is written and everything happens for good.
Cheers!!
p.s. Leave your comments please. It will help me a lot.

9 comments:

  1. Absolutely true statements dear...

    Though most of the people know about it, they don't think about it or they ignore it, or they can't get rid of their usual way....

    I think everyone should pay attention about these things. Because, your lover may leave you, but the love cannot leave us.... :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. yes.. Love can't leave us.. Thank you for the comment Mahi.. :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. අපි නම් ඉංගිරිස් දන්නෙ නෑ. දන්න ඉංගිරිසියෙන් යන්තම් ගැටගහගන්නම් ජාමෙ බේරගන්න ඕන නිසා.
    Sayings are right, but one thing! Those who do love never wants to leave the other, and if its all over that lover is someone like a living dead body cz tht one's partner should be that one's life. That person have got nothing to loose so its that person's desire whether to live and suffer or to die making the other one suffer for what the other did. But the fact is that the true lover chooses the 1st thing!

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  4. we have two options.. One to die with love and live like a dead man.. second is to move on in life and love again. And people who have moved on in their lives know that they can do it.. and they who haven't will never understand it.. :) Thank you your comment Aganthukaya..
    I may call you familiar stranger..

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  5. Thats true.. :)
    You may call me so! The man who's new to everything, who knows nothing! THE STRANGER! :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. sinhala posts tiyenawa..eth tiyenne silent thoughts kiyana page eke... :) eth godak welawata mama liyanne english walin.. english danna nisa pennanna newei.. one kenekta kiyawanna puluwan nisa.. onema rataka..onema kenekta.. :) sinhalen liwwama samahara welawata mage yaluwanta translate karanna wenawa.. ethakota awul.. :D

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  7. I know that Miss Red Riding Hood! :) I have got my brothers there in UK and they can't understand these what I am writing in sinhala! But what made it for me to use sinhala was none other than the freedom. I am someone who really love English literature which made my life a part of that! But what i really felt can be expressed with Sinhala with more effect! That's why I am using sinhala not cz to show off that I am so good in sinhala unicodes! :) Anyway keep your good work going! Language means nothing! But what you really feel makes it everything! :)

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  8. heheh.. I agree with you.. I have ability to write in sinhala..but the problem I have is i'm not good with sinhala unicodes. and I don't know how to get it even.. :) otherwise I have lot to write in sinhala. Because I believe we can say things in a much more sensitive way we are saying it in our own language.. :)

    ReplyDelete

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